My Two-Cents: New Year’s 2.0
New year, new me! That’s the old adage. But what if I want to be the same me? How about new year, same me – because I’m rad as fuck! Anywhoo, I bet you’re thinking, “Kate, why are you talking about New Year's? It’s August. New Year's Eve was ages ago. Next New Year's Eve is much too far away to be speaking of it.” And to that, I would say – You're right, dawg! You got me. Let me back track.
I like New Year's resolutions. I like monthly resolutions. I really fuck with all that jazz. There are naysayers who think that type of stuff is all hogwash. But what’s the fun in life if you don’t at least try to get a little better now and then? Even if you fail, at least you tried! There’s only one thing worse than a loser, and that’s a quitter. But there’s another thing that’s even worse than a quitter – someone who can’t even quit because they never even tried. Womp womp. And that’s what I think of people who don’t bother with so-called “fickle” New Year's resolutions. Which is why I do a Yearly Ns2c Post of my resolutions. And why, around this time of year (early October), I re-evaluate my goals from January? And decide which ones I want to kick to the curb in lieu of more awesome, super cool, rad, fun ones. Let’s discuss.
Back in early 2025, I sat down, knee deep in reflection, and put together this dapper list. I usually do it vehemently hungover – January 1st is a day to mourn the glorious bastard that is the night of December 31st, known to most as NYE! Nothing counts on NYE; it is the universal hall pass day! Many of my favorite drinking memories commence on this night. And also many of my most regrettable. Tangent time… One NYE, my high school friend group and I made last-minute road trip plans to go to SDSU for a house party and bars. The night started with a simple pregame, an intense game of tippy cup, and a cowbell? We aren’t really sure where that came from. The night proceeded at the trashy town bar that drops balloons from the ceiling at midnight, and people fight each other for the slim chance of a cash prize in said balloons. The night continued when we found our friend Sean, who had gone missing earlier in the night. He then told us that he had left his ID and wallet in his car and had managed to get into every bar in the town with his UNL student ID, and old men outside the bar had been buying all of his drinks. He said he only had one issue with his student ID and a bouncer. The bouncer said this wasn’t going to work. And Sean pulled a move straight out of the movie Team America: World Police, waved his hands in front of the bouncer, and said “Yes, it will. I am 21. I am who I say I am." And then somehow he got into the bar. Anyways, moral of the story: never underestimate the power of delusion or an old UNL student ID. Now back to my New Year's Resos from this year –
Ones I’m keeping…
Learn to Dougie. I really want people at the Smack Shack dance floor to look at me and think, “Man, I want her to teach me how to dougie.”
Complete my 600-day Duolingo streak!!! Duo is life.
Learn to do a pull-up.
Scream the Jimmy Crooks intro at strangers at the bar. (The cool thing about free will is you can use it however you want. The uncool thing about free will for you is that I have it.)
Write more letters to future kids. Gotta build my arsenal so my kids can learn about how cool I am in a How I Met Your Mother Style.
Ones I’m trashing…
The rest of them.
The new, cooler, more awesome, more fun ones…
Become a morning person. Hide my phone in my living room so I am forced to get up when m y alarm goes off.
Change my voicemail that I set when I was 12.
Realize #2 was stupid, and that I actually refuse to ever change my voicemail from when I was 12 because I think it is hilarious.
Leave my phone at home when I go places for funzies. Live in the moment!
Finish my personal research study on what careers are best to date, and finally publish my blog on the experiment. Currently, engineers are in the lead! Also currently taking more career recommendations; email them my way.
Learn more about architecture.
Play Crazy Train on Guitar Hero on expert mode.
Be more condescending.
Attend a drunk spelling bee.
Love thy neighbor as I love myself. The latter is easy, but the former may take some work.
Tell my friends how much I love and adore them more – the other day, I had the realization while vibing with my band of skanks. Maybe this is all life is really about. Having a beer with the homies. After that, life doesn’t seem too bad. And most of my stress fades into the abyss.
Find a neighborhood stray dog to walk.
Take a jab at stand-up comedy. (I live 2 minutes from a stand-up venue, so I no longer have excuses.)
Do more things that I fail miserably at. (ie, standup comedy, crown preps, operative dentistry.) Failure = Character development! And funny stories.
Go golfing once every three months.
Circle back on December 31st for my next Resos reflection and revamp! Until then…
Best Wishes!
Kate E. Thors
PhD Candidate, University of Fun and Games | 3rd Place at the 2008 Discovery Elementary Spelling Bee | Bringer of kegs to the Bonfire | Currently not taking any constructive criticism | Sometimes a bitch | Okay fine, frequently a bitch
